To anyone deeply questioning sexuality or theology in an environment such as Cedarville, I implore you to genuinely give weight to your personal experience: to what your intuition and your life tell you.
While I attended the university, I considered the Bible absolute and inerrant truth, regardless of what my "gut" told me. I went to all the Bible classes, chapel, attended a Baptist church, prayed, followed the traditional Biblical person of Jesus with my soul, and tried desperately to convince myself that loving a girl was wrong because everything around me said so. I was incredibly unhappy, unhinged, guilt ridden, manipulative, full of lies, angry, confused, afraid.
Today, I do not view the Bible with the same unquestioning attitude. My perception of Jesus is much different; many at Cedarville would label it heretical. I am with another woman and openly share this with others, as well as have close friends (several are Cedarville grads) who don't care if I am same-sex attracted. I am happy, calm, much more healthy, have no guilt, live a peaceful life, know who I am, and am comfortable with that person when I lie alone at night.
It is confusing to many from the conservative Christian background to look at these two lives and accept the latter as correct. How can someone turn from "truth" but live, outwardly and inwardly, in a healthier manner, one more consistent with the "person of Jesus?" It means there are different ways of living and thinking not aligned with one idea of truth, that conservative Evangelical Christianity is not the only way. This is incredibly difficult to accept, and has a blasphemous ring to it for many of you I would imagine. As a young, inexperienced woman, I do not claim to know much about the world, but I do feel confident saying it is hard to argue with that second life I outlined above. It is not perfect by a long shot, but it is whole.
Erin Rodgers
Philadelphia, PA